I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
