She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
