hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
