and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
