no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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