Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
