I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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