Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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