The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How does one acquire holy water?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
