Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
