new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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