Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
