Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
