So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
