why didn't you poke me back
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
