Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
