So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
