I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
