I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
