i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
