I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
