I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
