haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
