I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
