Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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