I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize