the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
