as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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