I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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