I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
