Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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