I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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