mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
