my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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