I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
