i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
