Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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