i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
