my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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