that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize