I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize