i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
