I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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