just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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