I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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