you win again, gameday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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