She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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