talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize