sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
