So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
