What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I looked at my own cervix.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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