I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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