her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
