yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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