she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my vagina is haunted
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
