Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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