theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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