Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
