It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
