Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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