Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
