so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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