I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
