he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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