I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
