Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize