Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
