i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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