I think my fart just growled at me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
