Tell her she can't have a vagina
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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