I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize