The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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