i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
