You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
