At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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