I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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