And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
