she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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