Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
