You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
