can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
