Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
